I grew up a brown boy in a white town.
In our small suburban town in Northwest Indiana (which serves now as a bedroom community of Chicago) my family was one of two brown families along with one black family. And we weren't even a real brown family. My stepfather and stepsister were white as the driven snow while my mom and I were definitely brown.
I guess that made us a beige family.
It definitely made us a different family and that's all it takes to be an outcast, subject to prejudice and being bullied.
The region where I grew up was not in the city of Chicago but about 45 miles southeast. Although in the North, there were similarities to the South in the mid-1960s; Confederate flags flying, there were two kinds of music; Country and Western, pick-up trucks (no Toyota Tacoma) and the omnipresent stares when you walked in the room. I know some of you are casting that same judgmental and call me out for stereotyping. Not at all. I'm sharing accurate description of the environment where I grew up.
A full disclosure. Not all in my town or region were bigoted. I learned over time that there are many who don't know how to process differences. Do their reactions rise to prejudice or simple ignorance? OK, possibly both. But just like Judge Robert Bork replied in his Supreme Court Justice nomination hearing that the definition of pornography is, "You'll know it when you see it", the definition of prejudice is relatively the same.
My first real experience with prejudice came in the first grade circa 1966.
I didn't grow up on the wrong side of the tracks but between two rail lines. We rented a small but functional house with home farming land, running streams and a fish stocked pond where I loved to explore. Our neighbors were a good walk away and one sat on top of a small hill.
These were the Strehler boys.
I mentioned Confederate flags, well, here's where you found two of them. One at the entrance to their house and the other on the wall in their garage.
This is where the Strehler boy beat me up.
The school bus stop was in front of their house and one day coming home from school they began yelling at me on the bus. I remember the word used most was gook. Gook? What's a gook? Well, I can say it wasn't very good.
Now the one thing about the Strehler boys they were white. I don't mean just white. I mean real Albino white. Right off the bus and it was gook this and gook that. There may have been a few chinks thrown in too but not sure. One of the boys pushed me down and started hitting me while his brother and other kids watched. I remember getting up, pushing back and it was over. A few more gooks were shared with me and that was it. Compared to the experiences of others this wasn't too bad.
The years passed and I grew up in that house and in that neighborhood. Got to play with and get to know other kids and the Strehler boys were part of that group. Then seemingly out of the blue the one Strehler boy started up the racist (I said I was growing up) stuff again. I told him to (insert profanity) and, well, it was on. We had a neighborhood city park in our hood and Strehler boy No. 1 said to meet him there and he'd beat the (insert profanity) outta me. OK, game on.
Remember I mentioned the boys being Albino white? I forgot to mention they grew to be short. We were about 12 or 13 years old at the time, and I was pretty tall and thick. We couldn't have been any more different.
I rode my bike down to the ball field where the Strehler boys and a good number of kids had assembled. Strehler's vocabulary had developed over the years with impressive hateful and spiteful language he shared as I approached, Strehler got into fight mode, I took a swing and knocked him out with one punch. Strehler sat up looking much worse for wear, I spoke to a couple of buddies who were there then I got on my bike and left the last days of bullying as a kid.
It was a simpler time but there is no simple bullying.
My story is straightforward. Verbal taunts, offensive encounters and a fistfight. Interestingly, I can recall some of these details from over 50 years ago. But it doesn't haunt me nor did it have a grave impact on my life. I had closure and some would maintain it's the wrong closure. You can't solve differences with violence.
I solved my issues with the Strehler boys.
I never heard from them again.
A couple of generations later, we are in a completely different world which calls for different tactics.
I'd urge you to connect with a local organization called B.R.A.V.E Hawai‘i with the acronym standing for Be Respectful And Value Everyone. (www.bravehawaii.org).
CEO and Founder Mahealani Sims-Tulba shared her own experience with bullying as a pre-teen turning a negative into a wonderful positive. Authoring a bullying themed children's book as a child herself allowed her to reach thousands of peers who were receptive of her uplifting messages. Now, over a decade later, Sims-Tulba's dedication to advocacy and education continues with expansion into leadership academy, creation of a recognition event for those who show similar dedication to the mission and increasing the reach of B.R.A.V.E to even more.
There will be a fundraising concert for B.R.A.V.E featuring comedy and more with Augie T., Bu Lai'ia and Sisa Grey.
Comedy for a Cause is on Saturday, April 11, 8 p.m. at the Blaisdell Concert Hall. Tickets start at only $20 and best to purchase at the Blaisdell Box Office or Ticketmaster.com.
I am fortunate to have faced discrimination and active bullying as a youth. It was not the norm to talk to parents, school official or to dodge a fight. You just played the hand you were dealt.
These days our kids are facing an expansive and very public bullying that can tear at souls. The effects of depression, helplessness and isolation does take a terrible toll on the mental health of those victimized. The celebration of violence on social media, filming huge fights on school grounds and the lack of awareness or preparedness by most parents is a battle of a unique nature.
I've always maintained that it's between the four walls where we can find solutions to family issues. There are times when you have to open the door and welcome in those who are dedicated and skillful to partner in addressing serious issues such as bullying.
Learn more about the real world of bullying via B.R.A.V.E and how you can be effective in your own home while helping others when your invited in.
