Square Kady Pascual Headshot RGZ5762

Kady Pascual

Hawaiʻi Scene on Social

[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"textStyle"}],"text":"I’d gladly take a bag of cone shells!"}]

For the latest news of Hawai‘i, sign up 

RonniAllegos sand dollars

<title>Hawai‘i Scene on Social: Sand dollars</title>

Today’s social media find comes from @RonniAllegos, with a different kind of currency.

Hawai‘i Scene on Social: Sand dollars

I’d gladly take a bag of cone shells!  Make sure you follow @RonniAllegos on Instagram! For the latest news of Hawai‘i, sign up here for our free Daily Edition newsletter!

IMG 1445

Rick Hamada

Government & Politics

Columnists

Scandals within government feed the narrative that government overall is corrupt.

Such conclusions are subjective, however plenty of claims, statements and a record of past transgressions (including legal actions against those within government here) connect the dots between the perception of corruption and its reality.

Recently, Vice President JD Vance labeled Hawai‘i as a failure in Medicaid fraud prosecutions. Those accusations were rejected by the State Attorney General but, as with most allegations, it's the finger pointing that's remembered, and the responses are often lost in the cycle. The guilt by association leads to the perceived affirmation that Hawai‘i is corrupt.

Speaking of the State Attorney General, she and her office are on the other side of the coin. The declared investigation into bribery and fraud allegations that a high ranking, elected official in the Big Square Building allegedly took a paper bag filled with $35,000 in cash is still unresolved. Despite the cloudiness of the allegations the perception is, in fact, that not only did it occur, but all that remains is identifying which lawmaker took it.

Whether or not we accept these assessments by outsiders or listen to locals who lament the scarring of Hawai‘i's reputation, there is unfortunately a roster of documented cases that bolster the argument of corruption here at home.

27 individuals participated in an illegal scheme to boost Honolulu voter registrations for candidate Ross Segawa. Segawa was convicted on 10 counts of election fraud, criminal solicitation, and evidence of tampering. Segawa served a year in prison and was expelled from law school. State Sen. Clifford Uwaine was convicted of conspiring to illegally register voters and served three months in jail; and Debra Kawaoka, an aide to Uwaine who also played a part in the false registration, served numerous weekends in prison. Brian Minaai and the other students each pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor.

 reported on Andy Mirikitani's sentencing, "

He will spend more than four years behind bars. He used a kickback scheme to steal thousands of dollars from the city. Now, Mirikitani will pay for his crimes. Mirikitani's sentence, four years three months in federal prison, followed by three years of supervised release. He must also pay back the money he stole." 

2002, Hawai‘i News Now again, reported on the sentencing of former state Sen. Marshall Ige. "A state judge sentenced Marshall Ige to six months in jail after being convicted in two separate cases. The first involved a couple from Beverly Hills approaching Ige in 1998, asking he clear their daughter's criminal record of two drug convictions. Ige said he could do it for $30,000 dollars. When he never came through, they contacted the Attorney General's office. The second case involved this farmer who leased 5 acres of land from the former Senator. In 1999, Ige threatened to evict Hanh Lam if he did not pay $7,000 dollars, in advanced rent."

 in 2003, reporting on the sentencing of Gary Rodrigues. "[O]nce one of the most powerful union leaders in Hawai'i, [he] will be able to remain free for as long as an estimated two years as he appeals his federal prison sentence of five years and four months for felony convictions of mail fraud, embezzling union money and related charges. A federal jury convicted Rodrigues in November last year on 101 felony counts, accusing him of taking kickbacks and steering phony union consulting contracts to his daughter."

These cases proved to be the highlights of the lowlights when it came to scandals well over 20-plus years ago. But the revelations of power grabbing, manipulation, and so much more within a beloved Hawaiian institution defined the most public and devastating story of corruption in our history — the Bishop Estate scandal that played out from 1997 to 1999.

This one got national attention, as this lengthy 1999 

 attests. Trustees then — "Gerard Jervis, 50; Henry Peters, 58; Richard “Dickie” Wong, 65; Oswald Stender, 67; and Lokelani Lindsey, 60" — famously made $840,000 a year in commissions. That's $1.7 million in 2026 dollars. 

"The estate became the center of public melodrama in 1997, when the school community learned of a private confrontation between Lindsey, the lead trustee for education, and student body President Kamani Kuala’au, who was bound for Princeton University," wrote the LA Times. Lindsey reportedly threatened the student by calling Princeton to jeopardize his academic career. Once word got out protesters marched on the Bishop Estate offices demanding that Lindsey to "stop meddling". 

This led to the "Broken Trust" essay appearing in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin alleging mismanagement of trust assets, conflicts of interests by individual trustees and poor selection of trustees, who are named by members of the Hawai‘i Supreme Court. Other developments ensued including internal lawsuits calling for the removal of Lindsey, the state attorney general accusing the trustees of using trust assets to create an economic empire, engaging in kickback schemes, awarding improper contracts, making sweetheart deals for relatives and friends and using improper business practices.

Perhaps the most sordid, yet tragic, story involved a Bishop Estate trustee and an Estate team member caught engaging in sexual infidelity in a hotel restroom. The public revelations led to the suicide of the woman involved and the attempted suicide of the trustee. I'm purposefully redacting names because I want to. Even after so many years later, enough is enough.

The dissolution of the Bishop Estate, the criminal to immoral conduct of the trustees (Oz Stender was never implicated) and the incredible shock and awe of the betrayal of the Princess's legacy remains the most troubling scandal to this day.

[{"type":"text","text":"Is corruption in Hawai‘i a reality or a perception?"}]

[{"type":"text","text":"Depends on where you look."}]

[{"type":"text","text":"But let's turn the light on."}]

In recent years, State Sen. Kalani English, State Representative Ty Cullen, HPD Chief Louis and Prosecuting Attorney Katherine Kealoha were each public servants found guilty of crimes and served time proving that scandal and corruption exists today.

[{"type":"text","text":"And these are the only the cases we can confirm."}]

[{"type":"text","text":"I will say this."}]

Hawai‘i has its scandalous moments because humanity is imperfect. As long as you have humans operating with a public expectation of perfection, some (not all) will succumb to failures. However, it is unfair to cast aspersion upon every governmental agency, elected official or public servant because that's a patently false premise. Most serve honorably. It's how you identify, investigate and prioritize the consequential actions against violators that makes a lasting and influential impact.

And the State of Hawai‘i has this opportunity to define our reputation regarding corruption starting with the swift and transparent answering of this question.

[{"type":"text","text":"Who the hell took $35,000 in a paper bag?"}]

Solve this and perhaps our state will be on the road to reputational repair.

For the latest news of Hawai‘i, sign up 

[{"type":"hardBreak","marks":[{"type":"bold"},{"type":"italic"}],"text":""}]

[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"italic"}],"text":" "}]

corruption I Stock 1093288618

<title>Hamada: How corrupt is Hawai‘i?</title>

Most public servants get through the day doing absolutely nothing wrong. But as ASD opinion columnist Rick Hamada observes, there have been more than enough high-profile cases of corruption to justify the perception that Hawai‘i can be pretty rotten.

Hamada: How corrupt is Hawai‘i?

Kam Napier Headshot

A. Kam Napier

 was 32 years old on July 1, 2015, as she walked along San Francisco’s Pier 14 with her father and a friend.

Somewhere behind her on the Embarcadero at that moment was José Inez García Zárate, handling a pistol he found under a bench. He fired one shot. That shot hit Steinle in the back. Her father and friend performed CPR, paramedics arrived, but her aorta had been pierced and she died in a hospital two hours later.

In 2017, García Zárate was acquitted on charges of murder and manslaughter, but no one denied he fired the shot, and no one denied some other facts about him.

“A little bit of common sense and discretion might have prevented the killing this month in San Francisco of Kathryn Steinle — a victim not only of random gunfire but of the mindless handling of the city's immigration policy,” 

García Zárate, USA Today noted, “had a felony drug record going back 20 years, had been deported five times and had repeatedly sneaked back into the USA …  [he] was in the San Francisco County jail in April and should have been deported yet again. Federal immigration authorities had lodged a ‘detainer,’ seeking to get custody and do just that. All they needed was a call or other contact from the sheriff's office.

“The contact was never made, not because of some ghastly mistake or miscommunication but because of a city ordinance that prohibits police from honoring detainers except in rare cases. And, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, because of a policy by the local sheriff that bars contact with immigration authorities. After a local charge against Lopez-Sanchez [as his name appeared in early reporting] was dropped, he was held for three weeks, then put on the street.”

One of the top three candidates to be the next chief of the Honolulu Police Department is San Francisco’s David Lazar, whom Aloha State Daily 

Near as I can piece together from Lazar’s 

, he was a captain in the San Francisco Police Department at the time of Steinle’s shooting, then rising to commander in 2017 and then assistant chief before retiring in 2025. We can safely assume he alone did not set the policies that had made San Francisco a “sanctuary city” in 2015, where immigration law would be selectively ignored.

But Lazar has already told us where he wants to take Honolulu. Here’s the relevant quote from our interview with him:

“I come from a department where we don’t cooperate at all with ICE,” Lazar said. “That’s what I’m used to, that’s the right thing to do. If I’m selected as chief, we will not cooperate whatsoever with ICE. We will not participate in anything they have going on.

“We’re not going to transport for them, we’re not going to support them, we’re not going to respond to any of their calls, we’re not going to set up perimeters,” Lazar went on. “Those are the policy decisions that will be made on my watch.”

 is scheduled to make a decision today between Lazar, 

 and Scott Ebner. We profiled Lazar and Lambert, Ebner did not respond to us.

The commission is comprised of Chair Laurie Foster, Vice Chair Jeannine A. Souki, Vice Chair Chris Magnus, and members Kenneth Silva, Elizabeth Char, Blake Parsons and Gary A. Yabuta.

The commission can be reached at 808-723-7580, or by email at 

, if you have thoughts to share on their selection.

The Honolulu Police Commission selected Lazar, more 

A. Kam Napier is editor in chief of Aloha State Daily. His opinions in Pipikaula Corner are his own and not reflective of the ASD team.

0508 1311 David Lazar image 16x9

<title>Pipikaula Corner: David Lazar, Kate Steinle and Honolulu’s future</title>

One of the top three candidates for Honolulu Police Chief, David Lazar of San Francisco, has stated his intention to never let HPD cooperate with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. These are the kinds of policies widely believed to have been the reason why Kathryn "Kate" Steinle was killed in 2015 by a five-time deportee, out on the streets of San Francisco because local authorities refused to work with federal agencies on immigration cases.

Pipikaula Corner: David Lazar, Kate Steinle and Honolulu’s future

Katie Helland Headshot

Katie Helland

Arts & Entertainment

Aloha Spirit

Ready to make plans for the long weekend? Some of the events coming to Oʻahu soon include 

 ceremonies, a benefit gala for Hawaiʻi Foodbank, and a car show in Hawaiʻi Kai.

[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"textStyle"},{"type":"bold"}],"text":"Friday, May 22"}]

Want to help create the 38,000 lei placed on the graves of the service members laid to rest at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific? Join one of these 

bring lei you made at home to one of the donation sites

. Hawaiʻi Foodbank is hosting its inaugural Nourish Gala where guests can enjoy a cocktail reception, multi-course dinner with curated tasting stations and live music from 

, and the Hoʻoheno Duo at ʻAlohilani Resort Waikīkī Beach. The event supports the Hawaiʻi Foodbank. Individual tickets are available for $375. Tickets must be purchased by Thursday, May 21. 

Catch this special exhibit about Robert Cazimero. 

A special exhibit honoring the legendary musician, composer and Kumu Hula Robert Uluwehionāpuaikawēkiuokalani Cazimero has been extended through Saturday, May 30, at Gallery ‘Iolani, which is located on Windward Community College’s campus in Kāneʻohe. Learn more about the 

kumu hula of Hālau Na Kamalei o Lililehua

, which was the kāne overall winner for the Merrie Monarch Festival of 1976, the first year that men were allowed to compete, as previously reported by Honolulu Star-Advertiser. He was also part of The Brothers Cazimero, a 

more than two dozen Nā Hōkū Hanohano Awards

, which performed decades of May Day is Lei Day concerts at Tom Moffatt Waikīkī Shell. The gallery is open from 12:30 to 4:30 p.m. daily, except Sunday and Memorial Day. Free. 

[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"textStyle"},{"type":"bold"}],"text":"Saturday, May 23"}]

Head to the Waikīkī Community Center and join in this hands-on event where attendees can make and toss 

. Made of clay, rice bran, molasses and microorganisms, Genki Balls are said to digest sludge and leave water cleaner, although there is 

. Up to 28 participants can attend this event which runs from 1 p.m. until 3 p.m. Tickets cost $10 plus fees. 

Head to the Waikīkī Aquarium and support University of Hawaiʻi alumni owned businesses in a special market, starting at 9 a.m. Admission is $5 and includes access to the Waikīkī Aquarium. Want to start the day earlier? Arrive at 8 a.m. for a pilates sculpt workout led by Annie Chang, a current UH student, for $30, which include access to the aquarium, the class and a towel. 

Wear white and head to this yacht party, hosted by Atlantis Cruise. Drinks are available for purchase. Boarding starts at 9 p.m. The yacht returns at 1 a.m. Individual tickets start at $125. A pair of tickets can be purchased for $170, plus fees. 

[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"textStyle"},{"type":"bold"}],"text":"Sunday, May 24"}]

Ready to add some dinosaurs to your life? “T. rex” chronicles the story of three boys discovering a juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex fossil in North Dakota in 2022. It will be playing at 5:30 p.m. and 7 p.m. at Bishop Museum’s J. Watumull Planetarium. Admission is $5 per person and includes access to the planetarium’s lobby exhibit, “Wayfinders: He Waʻa He Moku, He Moku He Waʻa,” plus a seat in the theater. Tickets to the rest of the museum are an additional cost. 

The Honolulu Museum of Art will offer a guided tour of its Renaissance Collection. These tours start at 2 p.m. on Sundays. Gather in the front of the Central Courtyard for tours which are between 45 and 60 minutes. These tours are included in museum admission, which is $15 for kamaʻāina and free for youth who are 18 years old or younger. 

[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"textStyle"},{"type":"bold"}],"text":"Monday, May 25"}]

The event starts at 8:30 a.m. and there will be an oli, a speech from Honolulu Mayor Rick Blangiardi, a presentation of wreaths, a firearm salute, a military aircraft flyover, and performances from the Royal Hawaiian Band and Sounds of Aloha Chorus, as well as 

. The ceremony also features taps. Parking is limited. Additional parking is available at Abraham Lincoln Elementary School and Robert Louis Stevenson Middle School starting at 7 a.m., and a courtesy shuttle will take attendees to the cemetery. Free. 

Join Gov. Josh Green, Maj. General Stephen Logan, and Lt. Col. John Alamodin for the Governor’s Memorial Day Ceremony at 1 p.m. at the Hawaiʻi State Veteran’s Cemetery in Kāneʻohe. There will be a musical prelude by the 

Spend Memorial Day at the Pearl Harbor National Memorial, where you can visit the 

 (reservations recommended, although some standby admission is available) or the 

 submarine. Visitors can also book a tour to Ford Island, where they can visit the 

, where authentic WWII hangers hold a variety of aircraft and visitors can step into flight simulators. The Pearl Harbor National Memorial’s visitor center is open from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. 

Cruise over to the Hawaiʻi Kai Towne Center and check out this showcase of classic cars in the parking lot in front of Costco. The event starts at 2 p.m. Free. 

. This Memorial Day ceremony brings thousands to the water’s edge to release floating lanterns and remember loved ones and fallen service members at Ala Moana Beach. The ceremony starts at 6:30 p.m. 

 are available on a first-come, first-served basis with pick up between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., or as long as supplies last. Messages can also be added to 

Learn why these volunteers keep coming back, 

Planning to be outside this weekend? Send us your pictures of rainbows, sunsets and more for a chance to be featured in our Hawaiʻi Skies series. Include your name and where the picture was taken plus why the moment was special. 

For the latest news of Hawai‘i, sign up 

Shinnyo Lantern Floating Hawai‘i

<title>What to do on Oʻahu for Memorial Day weekend</title>

From sewing lei for service members to the Shinnyo Lantern Floating Hawaiʻi, there are lots of events happening on Oʻahu this weekend. Aloha State Daily rounded up some of the ceremonies and activities, so you can make plans.

What to do on Oʻahu for Memorial Day weekend

Kelli Shiroma Braiotta Headshot

Kelli Shiroma Braiotta

Food & Dining

 is returning in June. The festival features a selection of authentic Italian and Italian-American restaurants and chefs from both Italy and Hawaiʻi.

The festival spans two days. The Passaporto Italiano VIP food and wine experience is 

on Friday, June 5, at Velocity Honolulu. Meanwhile, the 2026 street festival will be 

 Saturday, June 6, at Mother Waldron Park in Kakaʻako.

The Passaporto Italiano VIP experience is a ticketed event for individuals ages 21 years and older. It includes food and dessert dishes from Hawaiʻi’s top-tier Italian chefs and restaurants; attendees can also enjoy unlimited Italian wines, beers and craft Italian cocktails. VIP guests can sip on the curated selection of beverages while enjoying the beauty of Italian exotic vehicles from Maserati, Ferrari and Lamborghini.  

Featured restaurants — and dishes — at the Passaporto Italiano VIP experience include:

: Seared ‘ahi with Mediterranean essence

: Panna cotta with berry gelato and Amalfi lemon sorbetto

: Mountain View Farms pork stew; affogato

: Handmade potato gnocchi ai quattro formaggi with honey and Hawaiian macadamia nuts 

Tickets for the Passaporto Italiano VIP experience are available in tiers:

The street festival on June 6 is free to the public. Attendees will be able to walk around the Kakaʻako district and enjoy a variety of food vendors and live entertainment. Individuals can look forward to a wine and beer garden, offering a selection of Italian beers, wines and traditional spirits for purchase; street performers of European and Italian variety; an Italian-inspired film showcase hosted by the Hawaiʻi International Film Festival, and a special Galileo-themed stargazing experience with Stargazers of Hawaiʻi. Two large telescopes will be available for safe solar viewing during daylight and night-sky viewing once it’s dark.

 is a brand-new experience this year. Street festival VIP tickets cost $40 each, and include an aperol spritz, slice of specialty Festa Italiana pizza by Mad Pie, one cannoli from Mad Pie, access to ample seating in an exclusive area, and special bar offerings. 

Street festival attendees can also enjoy performances by Ballet Hawaiʻi, Hawaiʻi Opera Theatre, Hawaiʻi Youth Symphony, The Royal Hawaiian Band and more. The performances will celebrate both, Italian and local culture.

Featured street festival vendors include Allegrini Mozzarella, Aloha Pizzeria, 

, Arancino Ristorante Italiano, Aroma Italia, Bambino’s, Cialoha Italian Sodas, Diamond Head Drip, Fig & Ginger Honolulu, Forno Romano, Il Gelato Hawaiʻi,

 Roti-si, Sage Creamery, Zucchi Pizza and more.

There will be a dedicated keiki area within Mother Waldron Park, offering a welcoming space for families to gather and enjoy the festival together. The zone will feature kid-friendly activities and games. The festival will provide a free keiki food dish from The Old Spaghetti Factory for the first 200 children (ages 10 years and under). Hawaiʻi Literacy Bookmobile will also be at this year’s street festival; families are encouraged to enjoy literacy-related activities and explore books.

Parking with validation ($6) will be available at Waterfront Plaza; attendees must stop by the Festa Italiana info booth for a validation sticker.  

Festa Italiana Arancino VIP 051426

<title>Festa Italiana 2026 is coming this June</title>

The ticketed Passaporto Italiano VIP experience is June 5, while the street festival — which is free to attend — is June 6. The festival highlights a selection of authentic Italian and Italian-American restaurants and chefs from both Italy and Hawaiʻi.

Festa Italiana 2026 is coming this June

, which is held the last Monday in May, brings with it opportunities to honor those who have died, particularly in service to the country.

, the event was planned for spring, to ensure flowers would be available across the country and could be placed on soldiers’ graves, according to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.

Here are some of the events coming up for Memorial Day this month, which include opportunities to make lei and attend a floating lantern ceremony.

[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"textStyle"},{"type":"bold"}],"text":"Thursday, May 21"}]

Donate lei for the graves of service members. 

Following WWII, Pūowaina, also known as Punchbowl Crater, was designated the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific. Each year, about 38,000 lei are placed on the graves of the service members laid to rest at the cemetery. To support the cause, drop fresh flowers or lei made of fresh flowers or ti leaf 

 on Thursday, May 21, through Sunday, May 24. Students who graduated are also encouraged to donate their lei at any of these locations. 

Want to help create the 38,000 lei placed on the graves of the service members laid to rest at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific? Join one of these lei-making events across the island from Waiʻane to Waimānalo. There will also be lei making from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Thursday, May 21, at Kāne‘ohe Community & Senior Center. Free. 

The event starts at 8:30 a.m. and features ceremonial presentations and tributes. There will be an oli, a speech from Mayor Rick Blangiardi, a presentation of wreaths, a firearm salute, a military aircraft flyover, and performances from the Royal Hawaiian Band and Sounds of Aloha Chorus, as well as 

 The ceremony also features taps. Parking is limited. Additional parking is available at Abraham Lincoln Elementary School and Robert Louis Stevenson Middle School, starting at 7 a.m. and a courtesy shuttle will take attendees to the cemetery. Free. 

Spend Memorial Day at the Pearl Harbor National Memorial, where you can visit the 

 (reservations recommended, although some standby admission is available) or the 

 submarine. Visitors can also book a tour to Ford Island, where they can visit the 

, where authentic WWII hangers hold a variety of aircraft and visitors can step into flight simulators. The Pearl Harbor National Memorial’s visitor center is open from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. 

Join Gov. Josh Green, Maj. General Stephen Logan, and Lt. Col. John Alamodin for the Governor’s Memorial Day Ceremony at 1 p.m. at the Hawaiʻi State Veteran’s Cemetery in Kāneʻohe. There will be a musical prelude by the 

Cruise over to the Hawaiʻi Kai Towne Center and check out this showcase of classic cars in the parking lot in front of Costco. The event starts at 2 p.m. Free. 

This Memorial Day ceremony brings thousands to the water’s edge at Ala Moana Beach, where they release floating lanterns into the ocean. The free public event, which includes a ceremony that starts at 6:30 p.m., is officiated by Shinnyo-en, an international Buddhist community with Japanese roots. It is presented by the group’s locally based community support arm Nā Lei Aloha Foundation. 

Jacob Kam and his mother, Betty Lou Kam, have been volunteers

 for several years and share what keeps them coming back. 

Individual lanterns are free and available on a first-come, first-served basis

 starting at 10 a.m. at the Lantern Request Tent at Ala Moana Beach Park. Community members can also 

add a message to the collective remembrance lantern

Pearl Harbor

<title>7 things to do for Memorial Day 2026</title>

Looking for ways to celebrate Memorial Day? The City and County of Honolulu is looking for help creating 38,000 lei for service members laid to rest at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific. There are also opportunities to visit Pearl Harbor and attend a Memorial Day lantern floating ceremony.

7 things to do for Memorial Day 2026

Onlookers were stunned on Sunday, March 29, when the famous Scottish lake monster, affectionately known as Nessie, broached the waters of the equally famous Ala Wai Canal.

[{"type":"text","text":"ASD was first on the scene, bringing you these exclusive photos."}]

We were soon joined by noted Isle cryptozoologist Sigmund Zack, who said he was alerted by postings on the private social media channel of a secretive monster hunter society.

“I never thought I’d see the day!” said Zack. “I had been saving up all my Atmos Rewards miles for a trip to Scotland and now this happens — amazing!”

The creature kept perfectly still, head in the air, as if embarrassed to be caught in the open in broad daylight.

[{"type":"text","text":"Isn’t Nessie a little far from home? we asked."}]

“It’s 42 degrees in Loch Ness,” says noted Isle cryptozoologist Sigmund Zack. “That’s Fahrenheit, it’s sounds even worse in Centigrade, just 5 or 6 degrees! So the question isn’t, ‘Why would Nessie swim 7,000 miles to vacation in Waikīkī?” it’s ‘Why wouldn’t he?”

Zack speculated on the beast’s route across the Atlantic, down the Eastern Seaboard, through the Panama Canal, past Easter Island, finally arriving in the Islands with uncanny navigational skill. Was Waikīkī its final destination?

He shrugged. “There’s just so much we don’t know about Nessie. Its mating habits, its taste in streaming content, its connection, if any, to Big Foot. So many blanks to fill!”

Could Nessie pose a threat? If, as theories suggest, the lake monster is a Plesiosaurus, a living fossil from the Jurassic period, it’s likely to be carnivorous.

At that, Zack narrowed his eyes and dashed off a quick text message to unknown parties.

“I want to assure people,” he said to ASD, “that Nessie would never use its long neck, jagged teeth, lightning reflexes and propulsive swimming ability to pluck people from the sidewalk in a flash and drag them down into the Ala Wai as a snack. Not joggers, not kids, definitely not pets. And definitely not at night, when no one would notice. Nope. Definitely not.”

A crowd had gathered. Someone noted that the long neck and apparent humps of the sinewy serpent looked suspiciously like a log carried into the canal by the recent Kona Low deluge. 

[{"type":"text","text":"Zack threw up his hands."}]

 you to think!” he exclaimed. “Listen, people, and look at these photos,” he said, taking ASD’s iPhone and rummaging through the photos without so much as a thank you.

“The first photo is from 2:48 p.m. and the creature is clearly facing makai, looking into the feeding grounds — I mean, excuse me, the 

 — of Waikīkī. Then, just 12 minutes later, he is photographed again — by a journalist, mind you — this time facing mauka, possibly toward the ball field for leaner prey, I mean, where people play.

“Now, you tell me, what kind of log can change direction on its own, huh? Only flippers can do that!”

As he wrapped up on that conclusive, scientific point, Zack handed back ASD’s phone, took one last look at the bleached, scaly, possibly bark-like hide of the beast and walked off in a hurry.

[{"type":"text","text":"Happy April Fools’ Day, everyone!"}]

Nessie 29 March 2 48 pm 16x9

<title>Loch Ness monster spotted in Ala Wai Canal</title>

“It’s 42 degrees in Loch Ness,” says noted Isle cryptozoologist Sigmund Zack. “The question isn’t, ‘Why would Nessie swim 7,000 miles to vacation in Waikīkī?” it’s ‘Why wouldn’t he?”

Hawai‘i Scene on Social: Sand dollars

Kady Pascual

Social Media Editor

More in Hawaiʻi Scene on Social

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Gotta catch ‘em all — at Ala Moana Center: voices from Pokémon GO’s “Wild Area: Global” event

Starbucks holiday launch draws crowds for limited-edition cups

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Hawai‘i Scene on Social: Sand dollars

Authors

Kady Pascual

Social Media Editor

More in Hawaiʻi Scene on Social

Hawai‘i Scene on Social: Neighborhood weather updates

Hawai‘i Scene on Social: Island vibes

Gotta catch ‘em all — at Ala Moana Center: voices from Pokémon GO’s “Wild Area: Global” event

Starbucks holiday launch draws crowds for limited-edition cups

Most read