Can you honestly say you've never thought about killing yourself?
Why is it such an outlandish concept that maybe once, twice or more times you just said to yourself, "That's it. I'm done."
And heaven forbids you should share these thoughts with anyone. Imagine the reactions from friends and family. We'll get into that later.
I have always maintained that death is a part of life.
There are some who believe that once the light is out, well, that's the end of it. Nothing more.
There are many who believe that their faith in their God, et. al, will deliver them eternal life. Ever more.
My position?
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." -John 3:16
That's what I believe. That's where my faith is found.
Now, you may not share this belief and that's OK. I'm not here to proselytize and definitely not to be judgmental.
But attitudes, opinions, policies and more are undoubtedly determined by foundational beliefs which run the gamut from here to there to everywhere.
September is Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month with September 10th recognized globally as "World Suicide Prevention Day".
The month and the day will be reported in the news focusing on events, classes, political and community leaders espousing the devastation of suicides and the need for prevention. These are lofty goals and honorable endeavors, but are we focusing on the tragic conclusion and not the "why?"
One of the mandates when there is a "month" dedicated to a cause is that we have to talk about it. We need to spread the word. We have to get involved.
OK, let's talk about it.
I have had two family members who have taken their own lives. I have another who has attempted suicide.
And I'll answer my own question from the start of this conversation.
I have thought about ending my own life.
I want to stress that there is no flippancy in the words I am sharing. This isn't some sort of orchestrated attempt to create a dramatically provocative column.
I believe that frank, direct, and unbridled sharing can have a positive effect on those who are open to doing the same.
According to the State Department of Health, suicide remains a serious public health challenge with long-lasting effects on individuals, families, and communities. The most recent results from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) showed an estimated 13.9 million U.S. adults aged 18 or older had serious thoughts of suicide in 2025. In Hawai‘i, suicide is the 10th-leading cause of death overall. Adults aged 25-34 years old have the highest rate of suicide.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Hawai‘i Chapter, states that Hawai‘i tallied 200 deaths to suicide which is a 13.7% rate per 100,000. This ranks Hawai‘i 38th overall in the nation. The AFSP cites that suicide is the 10th leading cause of death overall in Hawai‘i and ages 25-34 is the age group with the highest suicidal rate.
You'll find more information about demographics, attempts made vs. actual, number of calls made to hotlines and more, at their site. A quick search will tell you more.
But the why still remains.
I thought about it, but I never acted upon it. But thinking about it served its purpose. It helped to put in real perspective where I truly was in life. I was younger, feeling overwhelmed with life. Stress, stress, and more stress. My ego would not allow me to share. I kept these feelings of inadequacy within myself. But I did a good job of being the fun, happy guy. Shoots, throw such awesome parties, travel to great places while internally I was a mess. I felt I was a failure, I felt out of control, and that I was putting my family in a vulnerable and precarious position. There were times I felt disempowered and concluded they would be better without me, and I truly wouldn't be missed. And it was in those times of quiet and solitude when I'd ask myself why not.
And then He would intervene.
In the mental swirl between my ears, there was only one element of peace and clarity.
Prayer.
Faith is singularly the most important part of life and of death.
But as an imperfect human being I fought my faith. The bad side would convince me I was alone in this battle. I was right to feel as I did. I would convince myself that I was the only one to solve the problems that ironically, I had created. So, the downward spiral continued, and living life was replaced with just surviving while wondering is this the last day?
I have to say.
This isn't easy.
But I believe it's necessary to fulfill the directive to "get the word out".
The public forum invites anonymous judgment and critiques which can be infuriating and hurtful.
But you know what? So, what.
If you share some of what I'm sharing, don't be ashamed. Please understand that you are not alone. Confronting yourself with honesty takes an unprecedented courage that eradicates any sense of weakness or failure. Others in your life who love you and know you will be so proud of your path to self-healing. And those that don't? Who needs them.
I found that my faith was the key.
My trust was found in prayer and the actions the Lord took in my life to reinvigorate my faith.
My key?
Turning over my everything to Him with trust and belief that no matter what I personally face, the Lord will lead the way.
If you are facing challenges and are seeking some solace and direction, then please don't give up.
If you believe you know the right path to take, then take that first step.
If there is someone in your circle who you feel most comfortable and trust, then reach out.
If you're looking for a professional, then here are some contacts:
- Hawai‘i CARES 988 is a free and anonymous crisis, mental health and substance use call center. Locally trained and qualified staff provide supportive counseling and screening for urgent or emergent mental health or substance use needs, recommendations for behavioral health assessments, services and crisis interventions. Call or text 988 24 hours a day, seven days a week. For more information, visit hicares.hawaii.gov.
- To learn more about suicide prevention in Hawai‘i, participate in free, anonymous online suicide prevention training, visit https://health.hawaii.gov/emsipsb/injury-prevention/suicide-prevention/.
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Hawai‘i Chapter brings people together from all backgrounds to prevent suicide and bring hope to those affected by suicide. To learn more, visit www.afsp.org/hawaii.
- Visit the Prevent Suicide Hawai‘i Task Force website for local resources.
If you're looking for a faithful path, then I would ask someone you trust for a suggestion and if that's not an option, then I would start with a church closest to you and attend one service. You will know if it's the right place for you and, if it is, then be open to His love and His word.
I am clearly not qualified to diagnose nor give prescriptive or any other similar advice.
I'm just a guy who is blessed to talk into a microphone and write some words.
But I am a guy who feels you, and I'm prayerful that you will find your keys to a life that you love.
Rick Hamada can be reached at rickhamada@aol.com.
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